She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
