Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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