I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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