I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
