im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
