my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
