I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
