i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
