there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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