Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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