how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
