Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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