the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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