I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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