remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
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You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
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You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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