help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
