Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
