I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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