Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
