Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Let's get the cat blown out
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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