So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
