Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
