I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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