I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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