sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
