you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
