just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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