I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
