i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Sober January is a disaster.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
