..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
