I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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