your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
