Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
