Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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