Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
