Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
