My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
