it wasn't lemon gatorade
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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