I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
