This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
