Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
they need to just BURY HIM!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
