do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
