thus making me awesome and them whores
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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