It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize