The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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