I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
