I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
