I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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