Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
