I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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