I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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