He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
