Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
