I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
