I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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