I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
