____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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