her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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