Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
