When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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