I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"