I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you