I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
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we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
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I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off