i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.