It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
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Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
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I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.