What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
